its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We are all done wearing pants today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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