He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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