he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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