porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
