So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
