just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
