We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
