we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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