It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
