giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
