please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
