I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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