I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
