just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
