I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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