what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
