Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
