You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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