I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
