I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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