Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
