This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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