so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
