My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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