I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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