Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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