I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
