lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
