im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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