you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
