As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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