When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
