In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
