I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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