my vag is so smooth its legendary
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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