He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
too bad you live with your parents still
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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