We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
