You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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