So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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