Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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