Little spoons don't ask big questions
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
