I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
