he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
