Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
