dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
