I think my fart just growled at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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