as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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