who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
