What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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