I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
