They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
