The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
